Top 4 Behaviors That Doom Relationships
Relationships in our lives are very important and great when things are going well. But Issues happen daily and because of that, here are 4 KEY issues which challenge relationships and also some answers of what to do which are Blame/Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, Stonewalling.
Blame/Criticism. Criticism consists of attacking or blaming your partner instead of his behavior. You will always have some complaints about your partner. But there’s a big difference between a complaint and a criticism. A complaint addresses a specific failed action. A criticism adds some negative words about your partner’s character or personality. For example, adding at the end of any complaint: “What is wrong with you?” will turn it into criticism.
Some things to think about: When are you critical of your partner? As mentioned above, complain about a specific behavior instead of criticizing the person. Go one step further and turn those complaints into requests instead. Examples: a. If you are being critical: instead of saying “you didn’t tell me about the event”, say “I don’t want to miss another one of those events; what do you think of putting all events in the company calendar from now on? Will you do it?”.
Don’t make the situation personal. Focus on “What does the relationship need from us now” instead of “Who is doing what to whom”. By being clear that blame won’t get you anywhere, you can focus on the changes the two of you need to make to take care of the issue. When receiving criticism, hold the attitude that the person criticizing you is doing so because s/he cares about what you do, not because s/he wants to make you feel bad or nag you. It is their unskillful attempt to give you useful feedback. Holding this perspective, have a conversation with them about how they can present complaints and criticism in a more useful and acceptable manner to you. Look at what’s your contribution to the problem you’re feeling critical about or being criticized for. Even if your partner had a bigger contribution, you will feel less powerless if you are aware of how you contributed to the problem also and what you can change about it regardless of what your partner does.